19/12/18 ***Looking for the opportunity to die

Whatever game you play, be prepared for the worst case scenario.  Always be mindful of the Murphy's Law:

Hence the worst possible outcome is death.  Shinu kikai o motomo.  There is nothing new here.  A warrior walks alone.

However always look at the Silver Lining,  The only way to avoid disappointment is not to have any expectation.

Just go with the flow,

Set a timeline.  Year end is good.  Anyway it is a walled city, what do you expect?  Furthermore the girl got hang up.  You deserve better.  For RM200 you are guaranteed a fuck.  

What is your objective with her anyway?

Yup, I wanted an affair.  Which violates my principle; it is better to have a fling than an affair.

I'll have a fling instead.  A fling doesn't take me on a roller coaster ride.

OK I RIP Cord after Christmas.  Another one bites the dust.

After all having a relationship is to make you feel good.  If it makes you feel bad, then it is a wasted effort.

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19/12/18 ^^^What is the takeaway points for 2018

The one that sticks in my mind is a warrior stands alone.

It is about Personal Mastery.  Nobody else can love me like I do.

If I am trying to get greater love from a bowl that is half empty then I will not get any.  It has to be from an overflowing bowl.

Stop trying to save another person.  Sometimes people just don't want to be saved.  Just save those who love you and yourself.  Anyway, you are not here to save the world.

Be selfish.  Be discrete.  Be exclusive.  You are unique.

I have yet to prove Sun Tzu wrong but capturing walled city is a time consuming effort.  It is not that hard but it requires patience.

However, after all said and done, it is better to love and lost than not to love at all.

Els is not a lost cause.  It's just that I am bored dealing with a roller coaster relationship.  This girl is too much into herself.  She might forget that there is another human being on the other end.

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19/12/18 I am going to maintain levelheadedness

In the end I have to decide, do I want to be sucked into melancholy?

No I don't.  I want to build on the greater good.  I want a continuous upward spiral.

That is why I am bad in playing this kind of game.  I don't have the heart nor the patience.

So tomorrow MUST be a snap vanish.  The easiest way is not to listen to the radio.  But if I don't listen I won't have information to act.

If I follow Sarah's advice, I should RIP Cord.  OK I think it will happen sooner or later.  I will wait until after year end then.  By 2019 I should be concentrating on my run.  By then I only listen to the final hour.

Anyway this relationship doesn't hold water.  Unless she is the win-win type.

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19/12/18 ***Walled city siege day 3

Do I use direct approach or do I be subtle?

Sharudin Jamal‏ @sharudinjamal 3m3 minutes ago

@elsDines @traxxfmofficial #traxxfm She loves me, she doesn't... She loves me, she doesn't... She loves me? No she doesn't. Shes a flirt, she's a keeper... she's a flirt, she's a keeper... She's a flirt.

Friends

The Middle

Sharudin Jamal‏ @sharudinjamal 2m2 minutes ago

@elsDines @traxxfmofficial #traxxfm I dreamt of u last night. We went for a vacation on the highland of Burma. You were nice to me (not like right now). I caress ur hand and the back of ur neck. We drove in an 8 cylinder American gas guzzler. What do all this mean? Beats me.

She is a keeper:

Bed of Roses

Sharudin Jamal‏ @sharudinjamal 10s11 seconds ago

@elsDines @traxxfmofficial #traxxfm The Els that I know is SUPER SMART, bubbly, full of life and funny. You are my epitome of a dream girl. If not for the circumstances that encompassing us, I would have walk right to your studio and propose to you live on national radio.

Delicate

Don't Leave Me Alone

Sharudin Jamal‏ @sharudinjamal 20s20 seconds ago

@elsDines @traxxfmofficial #traxxfm What is the value of friendship to you? For me it lasts a lifetime. I want our relationship to last forever. I don't have many friends but of the ones I have, I hold on dearly.

Never Enough

Rewrite the Stars

OK then, enough roller coaster.  Next is the Striking Cobra:

Sharudin Jamal‏ @sharudinjamal 47s47 seconds ago

@elsDines @traxxfmofficial #traxxfm Awww Elssse, You are playing with my heart baby, You know I cannot resist these two songs honeeey... You are awesome baby. Pretty and pretty smart, my type.

Awww Shit, she played the most dreaded song.  Why does she have to spoil everything?

Sharudin Jamal‏ @sharudinjamal 5s5 seconds ago

@elsDines @traxxfmofficial #traxxfm Shucks, I hate this Daya, New song. You are thinking of him don't you?

Again, I need to remind myself that I am capturing a walled city.  So it IS a roller coaster.

Women are nature's freaks.  What else can I say...

Let see what is her response.  If I am to break her pattern it has to be today:

Another One Bites the Dust

OKaaaay, she is bouncing back.  

Sharudin Jamal‏ @sharudinjamal 9s9 seconds ago

@elsDines @traxxfmofficial #traxxfm This is in response to your Another One Bites the dust:

That is an attempt to strike.  I don't know if that is effective.  This one should be it.

Sharudin Jamal‏ @sharudinjamal 22s22 seconds ago

@elsDines @traxxfmofficial #traxxfm I don't know Els, part of me said don't let go. Part of me is saying she's gonna hurt me real bad. I let you decide baby. The bird is in your hand. Squeeze it, it will be dead. Grab it fondly it lives...

She likes melancholic ending anyway.  Time to exit.  So I just play to the rhythm.

Bad Bunny Mia

Definitely I need to Snap Vanish for the next 2 days.  That is the name of the game.  I am not playing to the rules.  Two day plus weekends is good enough.  I am getting bored.

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18/12/18 ^^^From now on its about simplification

It's all in the mind.

What if my mind is distorted.  Do I still trust it?

Yes, it is still mine.

Just like a handicap person still owns his body so too I shall own my mind.

Do I trust it?

I only trust based on evidence.

What are the evidences?

Only trust mathematics.

Therefore I trust my numbers.

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Conclusion:  Even though my mind is distorted (it doesn't follow convention) I trust it because my numbers are aligned.  Hence no matter what I will accept me as who I am without having to compare myself to others around me.

I may not conform but I am not a menace either.  Therefore I should be happy with who I am,  I believe in God, afterlife and the Judgment of Heaven.  If none is true I will disburse into oblivion.  If it is true then I have much to gain.

In the final analysis I should live life as who I believe I am.  Who I am only applies to me.  I manage my universe autonomously.  It doesn't concern others.  Whether I am insane or sound minded is my business.  To each is his own.

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18/12/18 Live and lets live

From now on I keep my conversation short. 

Basically I want to live my life according to my belief.  I believe in the epiphanies and I believe in the afterlife.  I also believe in Al Araf 7:7.  Basically what I am saying is I believe in my uniqueness.

If I am wrong then it is me that is wrong.  It will come a time when I will realize that I am dead wrong but that will be another 22 years.

In the mean time I flow with the thought.

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18/12/18 The sword is the mind and the mind is the sword

I am going to make it simple:

• I accept my epiphanies of the afterlife
• I will continue my conversation with Al Araf 7:7
• I will stop sending notes to Chedet
• I will stop communicating to TraXXfm
• I will continue listening to Els
• I will continue blogging

There... Nothing complicated.

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