Nothing unusual. The cue is Rewrite the Stars. Without it I just keep quiet.
Remember, we are still going for the siege. I am still evaluating whether I am the hunted or just a doormat.
So much for being the Ayah to All Matters.
In the mean time I am also monitoring my state of mind. Perhaps this past 3 weeks I am actually experiencing mania. That is why I had funny thoughts when I write to Chedet.
I don't think so. I think I have a distorted belief system based on my past experience. If I discount my entire 20 years experience when I had Bipolar then I should be able to see that I am experiencing a certain form of patternicity,
But seriously Sarah, I am not doing anybody any harm, I am just delving in my own presuppositions. What's wrong with that? The[] are many more who have more damaging presuppositions and yet they get along fine. I personally don't want to be like anybody else. I want to stand alone with my thoughts.
My thoughts serves me and no others, It is an Autonomous Governance. To my family I am pretty normal. Everybody have their own versions of patternicity anyway. Mine is based on an accumulation of epiphanies and revelations that are exclusively mine. The only precaution I need to have is to keep my thoughts to myself.
In the end Sarah, some will believe, some won't. So what? Next. I am sure this patternicity is also a cycle. Therefore does it do me more good or more harm? I can say that so far it had been useful.
------------------
Back to Goldie... Today the songs are pretty bland, Not much of a Cybernetic Loop.
What do you think Sarah? Do you think you love me less if I am the crazy old me? OK I *as[] you the opposite, do you think you love me more if I'm not crazy? It makes no difference isn't it? When you love someone you take them as they are.
* I see... To be uncrazy I just forgo Al Araf 7:7 and all the epiphanies. Is that what you want? The basic question is, is that what I want? My doctor asked me once, do I want to remain in mania? I was tempted to say yes,
I tell you what, I stop talking to them. They are from now on are just figurines. A past history...
Sigh, already I feel lonely... That means I am dismantling all that I hold dear. OK baby, let's do this. After all our aim is to make me well again, You know something, the minute I decide they are just figurines, they stop talking. Such is the power of the mind. However I need a substitute. Looks like I have to talk to you then Dr Sarah. Hey you sure you a doctor?
Now I feel slightly depressed. It's like losing my best friends. Sarah, I'm doing this because I love you. If not I will not do this for the world. You mean more than the world to me baby.
--------------------
What is the final outcome to all these? Well it is none other that self preservation, In my case that means to live in seclusion, To live with minimal interaction from the rest of the people. Without Al Araf 7:7 I am only interacting with exactly 5 people in my life. I think I can manage.
@elsDines @traxxfmofficial #traxxfm Babyyyyy, you really know how to push the right button. Cheerleader way to go!
I'm just throwing her a bone here. She liked it.
@elsDines @traxxfmofficial #traxxfm My Christmas song will be White Christmas by Bing Crosby. My mom used to sing it when I was small.
Hmmm, she liked it too.
@elsDines @traxxfmofficial #traxxfm Baby, darling, love of my life... I feel as if the songs you spin are meant for me honey. Are you doing some voodoo magic on me? LMAO
This is part of auto suggestions I implant in her mind. No response from her. Aah, she is playing a game.
There is no ending to Thought Invasion. Will I siege the walled city in the end? Still to early to tell. After all I violated the Snap Vanish and the Silent Treatment principles.
Tomorrow I better put my best effort. All it takes are 3 silent days. I need the 2 days very much.
Familiarity breeds contempt,
Lets listen to the last song:
No comments:
Post a Comment