All that I experience are just a form of mental disorder.
If I want to be objective about it, then I say there is no afterlife whatsoever. But then I have to take the attitude of a child who first enter a library. There's so many I don't know and yet I am bewildered by all the possibilities of what I am about to discover.
However, I need to be sensible in my thoughts. Beyond death there is nothing. Our consciousness dies with us. The minute our brain stop functioning, that will be just it, Much like those old people experimenting dementia and Alzheimer. Thus everything lies in the physical world. There is no Alternate Reality Dimension.
I know that.
However while I am still breathing I need to assign meaning to my life. It is a way of how my mind functions, It needs to remain relevant. Much like what Victor Frankel described in Man Search for Meaning about the holocaust victims. Event by itself has no meaning except the meaning we give to it,
I too assign meaning to my illness. It is beyond that. I actually experienced those that I assigned meaning to. It is personal in nature, The issue here is do I keep those experience as meaningful or I discard them as a product of a distraught mind, By the look of what I wrote to [to] Chedet, I say I was pretty much insane.
Today I must decide. Am I God or am I an atheist once and for all. It is easy to got with the flow and conclude that I am the Almighty, I can say whatever I like. But without the presence of solid evidence and sound judgement I am just being delusional. For example God is All Knowing, I am not. So how come I be God? Another example God is Omnipotent, I am not. I can go on with this analysis and come up with the same very conclusion, I am not God.
The mind has the tendency to rationalize whatever we think. I think therefore I am. In this case not only I rationalize, I build the whole mental model around it.
I become jaded by my own preconceptions that I assign empowering beliefs to them. In the end, I am nothing more than a man trapped in a spiral of false associations,
Now is the time to break the loop. For a start, I have to accept that I am nobody special. I am just among the many that come before and after me. I am the product of million of years of evolution. Therefore in order to get back on track I have to acquire the scientific mind again.
Myths, folklore, and religious references are all past limiting beliefs. They are the products of the primitive societies trying to make sense of what they don't understand. In the end there is no magic, just magicians,
I should not get entangled in this outdated mode of thinking. I am the product of wisdom and intelligence. I should not succumb to hearsay and superstition. That is the ultimate freedom. To be truly free is to be free from the shackling of the mind. The mind is just a servomechanism. It is a servant, not a master. Feed it with garbage it will produce garbage.
Does that mean I am separate from my mind? Not at all. I am my mind. However I need to choose wisely what I put in my mind, Otherwise I will end up like what happened in the last 20 years. I allow my mind to go haywire,
So in the future I will decide carefully what goes inside my mind. After all I am the sum total of my thought.
Therefore I concluded that I am better off an atheist than a believer.
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