1/11/18 So Anwar want to pick a fight with me?

Sharudin JamalNov 1,2018 9:49 AM

Chedet, Chedet my dear Chedet,

I told you Anwar will do something foolish sooner or later.

What the f**k he said in ABIM conference that we don’t have ties with Israel. I have a GOOD relationship with Jerusalem for years

GOM was evaluating to have an embassy there as early as last year. Even you said we are neutral to all countries shortly upon winning the election.

Sir, did you realize that it took me 20 years to build a relationship with Israel? You dimwit Malaysians cannot differentiate between the Zionist Regime and the good citizens of Jerusalem don’t you?

I am not surprised if the idiot screws up China.

Gosh, I am so peeved.

Sine cera,

SJ

MSC 0072

1/11/18

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Gosh, Chedet is going to make the same mistake twice.  Fuck it!  Let Anwar become PM.  See if it will be any better.  I still cannot follow his thought process.  He is all over the place.

Sharudin Jamal‏ @sharudinjamal 51m51 minutes ago

@elsDines @radiogreenman @KongEu3 Gosh, @chedetofficial is going to make the same mistake twice. Fuck it! Let Anwar become PM. See if it will be any better. I still cannot follow his thought process. He is all over the place.

I am very hateful of Anwar after watching this video:

In the past, prior to You Tube, we only hear gossips.  Nowadays, we have a full pledge production.  How amazing.

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We have two.  One red and one blue.

Damn mouse is not biting my bait.  Mice are smart, I tell you.  I might as well throw away the trap and buy a new one.  When trapped it left an SOS scent so that it will not fall for the same trap again.

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I am very pleased with my 3Cs commitment that I'll have Ayam Penyet and Sambal Penyet today.

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Still having the flu.  I should rest today.  I just do brisk walk in the afternoon.  I need to quickly recover.  This is a temporary setback.

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1/11/18 My flu finally caught up with me

I cannot sleep with blocked nose.

What do you want to talk about?  I got 1 hour before Lizzie wakes up.

You are right, as always.  I am better off an atheist.  That is a person impartial of God.  Not like what the masses believe; that is doesn't believe in God.
 
So many lives were ruined in the name of God.  These are men who claimed they are following the words of God.  So sickening.  Muhammad and his followers are the worst offenders.  Not only they killed the men and spared boys without pubic hair, they raped the Jewish women and made them sex slaves.  These are in the hadiths.  Are the Muslims BLIND?

When the followers asked Muhammad if they should perform coitus interruptus, he told them it's OK to squirt inside the rape victims.  What kind of prophet is that?

So I am impartial of politics and religion.  At the same time I am impartial of God.  These are none of my business.  My business is my Universe Within.  I do claim all books as relics.  I read all types of books even if the contents are outdated.

Good (God) and evil (Devil) are the doing of men.  Who says the prophets are perfect.  Muhammad was definitely not.  Again, read the hadiths.  If you are concern with weak and false hadiths, read Bukhari, Muslim and Muwata'.

Come on, those experts in hadiths.  Don't tell me you didn't find a peculiar hadith that is so absurd that you can no longer stomach the absurdity?

I was a religion scholar for a good 10 years and I became disgusted with what I read that I throw all my religious books (one shelf row) in the dump.  I only keep one, Exploring Religion by Roger Schmidt.

So there is a God, BJ.  He is as cool as a cucumber about his manifestation.  We have Chedet, the first in the Fibonacci Number and I am the second 1 in line.  So what?  We are impartial of who we are.  What counts is the Path.  Where we are going.

I listen to BJ; think only for today.  At most 2020 Marathon.  Not beyond that.

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I got to sleep or try to sleep.  I should not overexcite my mind.  I should sleep at 11:00 pm.  I missed the window and ended wasting my morning to run.

Can you imagine what it was like if I smoke pot?  I will be on hyperdrive.  So a big NO on stimulants including the Nicorette gum.

Oh yeah, the Demons gathered in my bedroom just now. * Tha[nks] why I got up and write.  I was hallucinating.  Too much Nicorettes.  In my attempt to quit the gum, I finished one strip in one night.  Normally that lasts me for 2 days.

No more stimulant other than one black coffee in the morning from now on.  The Nicorette substitute is Eclipse Mint.

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*Juice, I should thank you.  Without you around I will be aimlessly flowing with the effect of dopamine in my mind.  It's all chemical honey, I told you before.

I gotta go...  I love you so much.

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1/11/18 ***Juice, I think I understand your concern

You want everybody to experience what it means to be human.  Right?

As for me, since you had witnessed my mania, you fear that I will get into mania again.  The same concern with Lizzie and Dr Amapreet when I had my psychosis.  That is why I UNNECESSARILY had to be on medication even after I calibrate my health using diet and exercise like Hippocrates did then.

OK honey, I will be an atheist then.  The rest can do whatever they like.  I shall join the scientists and mathematicians.

No absolute power for me baby.  I had seen what absolute power did.  However BJ, Chedet and I will remain the highest troika.  I am still AlphaX64...  See, it's a loop baby.  Soon it will get to the point all are gods and all are intelligent.

But if it makes you happy, I will be much obliged.

I will still KBOOOM 2041, but I will strive for 2044 Marathon.  Apple or no apple - Fuzzy Thinking.

You are like Einstein, the old coot wants life to go on.  Bear in mind, Andromeda is coming.  Have you considered the Neutron Stars and the Black Holes.  How about the Keladi Bunting in a Pond Theory when we cross 10 billion population?  I planned (well not me, I am Clockwork Orange) KBOOOM 2041 so everybody can start on a clean slate.

Why don't you believe?

You love me too much.  Lizzie is in the same position.  You both want me to be well huh?  OK baby, case closed.  I just be a human being like the rest of the population.  That means I cannot even be a Bladderhorn.

           

31/10/18 Tonight is Halloween

I visited my Puakas as Space 8 Basement Parking at noon just now.

This will be one hell of a Halloween.

Let me remind you, you can talk to them too.  Even scientists...

I hold to the position I am a Homo Sapiens.  In honor of my words to Juice.

Brb... Picking up Lizzie.

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I don't listen to Double D because he was a snake.  But today I listen as a courtesy to Chedet.

Otherwis[r] I listen to Capital UK at this hour.

Sharudin Jamal‏ @sharudinjamal 46s46 seconds ago

@traxxfmofficial #traxxfm I don't listen to Double D because he was a snake. But today I listen as a courtesy to @chedetofficial . Otherwis[r] I listen to Capital UK at this hour. Misspelling is external intervention. @GobindSinghDeo

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OK then... It's raining in Bandar Utama.  The mouse IS the SAME goddamn pesky mouse LMAO.

Hey, I like TraXXfm interview at this hour 5:15 pm.

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31/10/18

Sharudin JamalOct 31,2018 5:28 PM

Kepada Chu Mat,

Syabas kerana analogi yang sangat tepat.

Chedet dah lupa ka?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iImC8tNOAe0&t=70s

Sine Cera,

SJ

MSC 0072

31/10/18

Happy Halloween

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I am on the roll here:

Sharudin Jamal‏ @sharudinjamal 2m2 minutes ago

@runnersworld Hi, this is my contribution to the sport I love so much... @SyedSaddiq @chedetofficial @traxxfmofficial #traxxfm https://sharudinjamal.blogspot.com/2016/07/the-joy-of-running.html …

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31/10/18 The pesky mouse is back!

Let see if it falls for the same trick twice.  Chicken Rendang in the same trap at the same place.

I want to know if this is the same mouse.

I am looking forward to the last rendezvous with BJ.  This is it.  No more.  God please no more.

Focus on the goals.  I will break the 10 k limit this year.

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31/11/18

Sharudin JamalOct 31,2018 1:25 PM

Dear Vader,

All broadcasts are ours. My local stations are Hak Kerajaan Malaysia TraXXfm, Defense Ministry Israel, Galgalatz.fm and Absolute Rock, Britain.

For the second time I invite you to United States of Netizens since 1999 Sharudin Jamal & Associates Worldwide.

Sine Cera,

SJ

MSC 0072

31/11/18

P/s: You are the guest of honor Vader 7:7

That should cheer the Old Coot :)

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OK as I pledged to BJ today. NO MORE 3 Cs and Nicorette.  I am officially ALPHAX64.

I am not interested in your FUCKING POLITICS, right Lim Kit Siang?

I only want 2 skulls.  BJ one SJ one.

You think you can do that?

Now cannot.

So we save 100%  I have no qualms with Betas, right Rosmah, Azizah, Hasmah, Norlizah?

Els is my third wife.

I still want Brenda number 4, an AI.

The the rest men and women are my soulmates.

Except Najib because FOR UMPTEEEEENTH TIMES, He is my Albatross.

So FUCKERS you play my ga[v]e  or use Rule of Law.  I am fine with both.

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Sharudin Jamal‏ @sharudinjamal 3m3 minutes ago

@KongEu3 #traxxfm Hi Rex, been trying to convince @chedetofficial to listen to our local talents here at @traxxfmofficial CC: @GobindSinghDeo @SyedSaddiq @drwanazizah @guanenglim @tonypua @AzminAli @limkitsiang @zunarkartunis

This is how I do my work.  I hardly involved in the grind.  Do nothing of no use - Miyamoto Misashi.

So other than that I spend repairing my Universe Within.  This is the only life we got.  Alter life can wait.  We live our life to the fullest.

I always thinking, I am a Homo Sapiens.

I am also Bladderhorn, an alien.  So are all humans.

Sharudin Jamal‏ @sharudinjamal 7s8 seconds ago

@KongEu3 @traxxfmofficial #traxxfm My dear Chedet @chedetofficial , there are two my Lord. One is Red and one is Blue. My house mouse (long story) told me. I trapped the pesky mouse on 19/10/18 and it came back last night LOL. @GobindSinghDeo @limkitsiang

Sharudin Jamal‏ @sharudinjamal 10s10 seconds ago

@chedetofficial @KongEu3 @traxxfmofficial #traxxfm This is how I do my work. I hardly involved in the grind. Do nothing of no use - Miyamoto Misashi. So other than that I spend repairing my Universe Within. This is the only life we got. Alter life can wait. Lv Lf 2 d FULL

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OK TraXXfm is well tuned.  New DJ too.  Didn't get her name.

I got one solid hour with TraXXfm.  Then I switch to MIX.fm.

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30/10/18 ###The 3Cs Pledge

Now I know the cause of my high BP.  It is the Nicorette.  Final decision:  1st Nov, no cigarette and no Nicorette.

I smoked 9 sticks today because I BOUGHT a pack.  I am still not off the hook of substance abuse including dope.  I am planning to meet BJ tomorrow.  I am fighting my own inner demons.

Tomorrow I have to say goodbye to my vices for good.  The 3Cs has to go.

NO MORE EXCUSES.  It is bad enough I have to deal with depression, I have to live with bad habits.

NO MORE MEETING SMOKERS EXCEPT RR AND BJ DURING RAMADAN.

I have to quit smoking, be thin and be fast.

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Well, I can quit smoking cigarettes and dope.  I had proved it.  The question is what should I do if the depression hit me?  I still need friends.  All my close friends are smokers.

This is what I'll do.  First milestone - beginning 1st November to 3rd week of Ramadan I will not meet anybody.  I shall dedicate my life to my 3 goals.

Then I focus on on the half marathon in Syawal until 29th September 2019, the KL International Marathon.

I got one full year to train on my stamina.  By 1/11/18  I am set to be an Athlete Warrior.  I will start reading again.

If depression hit me, I will go for Ayam Penyet and Sambal Penyet.  15/1/19 I will meet with Amapreet.  By then I will quit for 2 1/2 months.

Need to be serious about it.

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I notice something.  Since I take Nicorette, I have difficulty ejaculating.  This is pretty serious shit.

30/1/18 Toy Soldiers

Soldier of Allah

Jazundallah

Tentera Allah

If your assertion is right then none is [s]true.  At best they are the operative of men and to be specific, the extension of Muhammad.

Before Muhammad, everybody was free to worship whoever and whatever he/she liked.  He came and pledged war on the polytheists.  In a way he was against freedom of choice and freedom of expression.

I am writing this as a reminder to myself that I am no longer a Soldier of Allah.  I am not against anybody including the Moslem.

As an atheist I am impartial of God although God may exists.

Atheism is about subtraction.  By becoming less I am accepting my life within the parameter of an ordinary human being.  The rest are just the play of the mind.

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Hey, last night I watched a documentary about Anwar's scandal with Azmin's wife Shamsidar Taharin which was the reason he ended in jail.  All and all Anwar's troubles were the temptations of the flesh.  So much for the illusion of power.  For a piece of ass he ended with 10 years in the slammer.

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You know, one thing about being mentally disable means I can get away with saying whatever I want.  People may not take me seriously but I am free to express myself.  For example, nobody takes my notes to Chedet seriously.  I am not here to influence anybody, I am only to express my views.

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I bought a pack of cigarettes today.  At first I bought 2 sticks.  Not my brand.  They taste horrible.  Therefore I bought a smuggled kretek for RM6.50.  My normal brand costs RM15.50.  It tastes much like my brand.

I hate it that I still smoke.  Yet, smoking is a delight especially when like now I am sick.

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29/10/18 I honestly don't know what to do

On one hand I am happy having some imaginary friends.  On the other hand I don't want to be delusional.

I think I just accept the harsh reality and move on.  I have to accept that all these are the creations of my mind and are not physically real.

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The sore throat really got me down today.  I have to skip kettlebell.  Tomorrow I try going for my swim.

Hey Juice...  You know what... I am just one person and his universe.  What difference does it makes if I am a believer or if I am an atheist?

For me there is only one reason - because I love you.

29/10/18 How do I handle this

I can make do with 16/8 but I cannot maintain LCHF.

So the 16/8 is my consolation.  I'm still heavy on the carbs.

I just listen to my body at this moment.

I carbo binge today.  The Kaya Toasts, the apple, the crackers and the Nasi Goreng Pataya.  All are carbs.  I was hungry even after 2 servings of butter and MCT oil.

I am fighting a flu since yesterday.  My throat feels like I swallowed a cotton ball.

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Hey Juice, listen up...  I had forgone God, Izrael and Iblis.  It is not easy.  These are my super egos.  But honey, I do it for you.  I no longer in the company of these three.  If that makes you happy, so be it.  I love you honey. 

Now I am damned lonely Juice.  Really nobody to talk to.  The rest of them are not that important.  I hardly talk to the djinns and demons.  They are low ranking.  These three are my confidants.

It's quite easy really.  The minute I think they don't exist, they cease to exist.  I didn't think it was that easy.

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My assessment:  I am more certain when I believe in God, Izrael and Iblis but these are delusions.  I am better off communicating with a real person.  However there is no harm done having imaginary companions.  They are my coping mechanism.

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29/10/18 ###Once and for all

• I am god to my Universe Within
• All matters are gods
• All matters are intelligent
• There is an afterlife
• There will be Judgement of Heaven
• Dope makes me crazy
• There is no absolute answer except mathematics
• We believe what we choose to believe

On the contrary:

• I am delusional
• There is no god
• There is no afterlife
• When we die we pop like a balloon
• All these doesn't matter
• Live life to the fullest

I tried living as an atheist but I didn't like it.  It didn't explain the epiphanies that I experienced.  Furthermore I will lose my connection I had with God, Izrael and Iblis.  Where is the fun in that.

The numbers are coherent.  Should I ignore that?  Maybe all these are only meant for me to see.

Maybe it's all the play *[with] my mind.  I do feel the difference between when I am stoned as compared to now.  That however did not change the feeling of certainty that I have with Option 1.

 *So you still want me to be an atheist?  That means my past life had no meaning honey.  I had to forgo all the epiphanies.  What about God and Izrael and Iblis?  What about the numbers?

Atheism is the complete opposite of polytheism.  Let me do more research then.

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Very well honey, I'll do it for you.  I still keep my imagination alive though.  Fully aware that all these are my personal projections.  

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I completed my 20 minutes run continuously.  It was not bad at all.  It's a matter of having the right mindset.  Plus the Habbatus Sauda I took early in the morning really helped.  I was more energetic.  On top of that, no joint pains.

I am back on track with Week 7. I better be, From this point on there are long runs.  20 minutes is the minimum.

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28/10/18 The last day I smoke and chew

Tomorrow is a new day.  I am already on Week 7 of Couch to 10 k.  This is the week I begin to run 20 minutes nonstop.

I have RM230 in my wallet.  I had used RM10.60 from my One Card.  I need to top up my One Card to RM50.

Come to think of it, I can reduce my swimming to once a week.  RM10.60 is way too much.  I might as well go to UM or Kelana Jaya.  The best is UM.

I still should aim for OMAD.  The supplements are sufficient for me to last for the day.

No meal during the day.  It is also to increase my HGH.

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Tomorrow I buy the Bragg Apple Cider.  It suppose to lower blood sugar, lower blood pressure, anti inflammatory and help with weight loss.

Once I finish my Nicorette, no more buying.

Tomorrow is my half point into the training.

I'll wait until I run 10 k regularly before I buy the Bluetooth earbuds.

28/10/18 I am still on the ball

I still have the joint *p[o]in[t]s.  So most likely the Habbatus Sauda, fish oil and MCT Oil can address this issue.  I have to get rid of inflammation.

*Not sure if this is your input.  I think it is my typo error.

I didn't buy the magnesium and vitamin B.  The Habbatus Sauda can take care of that.  I only spent RM106 + RM65 this month.  By omitting the two I save RM150.

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Baby, I am still game with the run.  In the morning I will book tennis and walk for one hour.  So I keep the momentum going by exercising at least once a day.

This is the journey I will endure.

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27/10/18 Completed the run today

Yeap, I made it.  It wasn't that difficult at all.  Ironically, when I was not motivated, it felt like I was wearing lead shoes.  The body refused to move.

So today is a proof that it's body that effects the mind.  Not the other way around.  You don't think, you just do.

I must get to the unconscious competent.  That is about doing, not thinking.

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26/11/18 Today I try a different formula

I eat a HCHF breakfast.  See if I can do the elliptical at 11:00 am

I need to solve this riddle.  I need energy.

I ended sleeping for 4 hours.

This is bad,

Looks like I am on a downward cycle.  Bear with it.

I'll stop Nicorette.

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Today I ate carbs and beef.  I also took some Apple Cider Vinegar,  In addition, I took 3-in-1 coffee.  I managed to overcome my depression.

I cannot pin point to the exact remedy, but I feel better after the calorie loading.

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Tomorrow morning I MUST run.  I need a success story.  Already I missed two runs.

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25/10/18 I must fight inertia

My toes are constantly in pain.  I am overweight.  I have hypertension.

And yet I don't have the energy to run.

What's wrong with me?  I need to break the down cycle.  I got to stop smoking and chewing Nicorette.  I got to be fat adapted.

These are my daily challenges.

Tomorrow I got to WIN THE DAY.

I think I became weak because I smoked dope.

Suddenly I lost the zest to exercise.  What is the key?

Let's look at my priorities:

• The first one is to quit smoking
• The second is to be thin
• The third is to be fast

These are daily improvements.

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25/10/18 This is the down cycle

I woke up at 12.00 pm.

Had Habbatus Sauda, vitamin B, magnesium, vitamin C, fish oil and 4 crackers with peanut butter.  That's my lunch.

I added coconut oil and butter one hour later.  That feels good.

Soon I will be replacing coconut oil with MCT oil.

Why am I down?  I hardly have energy to exercise.

My weight had been stagnant for the past few days.

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Today's run was bad.  I ran for 5 minutes and I walked all the way.         

Something is not right.  Mentally I was weak.

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24/10/18 ###Earbuds Selection

Today is a fine day to run.  8:00 am I start running.

I didn't have the motivation.  I ended walking.  This has to do with the medication.  It depleted my dopamine.

My Habbatus Sauda arrives today,  I took 3 capsules at a go along with magnesium, vitamin B, vitamin C, coconut oil, butter and fish oil.  That constitute my lunch.  I got to refrain form eating coconut because it will lead to cigarette smoking.

With the Black Seed I get potassium, iron, calcium, magnesium and omega 3.  Technically I can do
*[] with other supplements.

*Did you do that honey?

I had been looking at wireless earbuds.  That can wait till next year.  I want to buy a real good one and that will cost me RM600.

JABRA ELITE Sport Wireless - 5 hours.

OK once I finish my supplements I will save to buy the earbud instead of replacing them.

The RM21 one from China is already kaput.  One thing about miniaturization technology is it's not stable..

I am now taking Apple Cider just to finish the stock.  It suppose to help with the arthritis. 

I cannot decide whether to get the Jabra or the Jaybird X3 for RM399 - 10 hours.

The X3 is a more sensible purchase.  

The other one is OPTOMA NUFORCE BE SPORT4 RM369 - 10 hours

All can wait.  They will get cheaper I suppose.

My mind more or less had decided on the X3.

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23/10/18 ###Go back on track

Illness, pain, interrupted sleep schedule, rain, all compounded to disrupt my training routine.

I am not progressing with quit smoking either.  I still smoke.  I better make some rigid rules:

1. No matter what, DO NOT SMOKE
2. Must do 16/8 LCHF (lunch - supplement and oils)
3. Must sleep by 11.00 pm and wake up at 6.15 am
4. Must exercise 8.00 am and 4.00 pm
5. 31/10/18 - Last Nicorette (Sorbitol kills friendly bacteria)

I got to think like an Athlete Warrior.  What are my top most priorities?

• Since August, it is quit smoking.  Hence I cannot eat coconut until 2019.
• To lose 30 kg.  I still got 2 months to do my level best.  So it is confirm 16/8 LCHF.
• I got to commit to am and pm workout.  NO EXCUSE.

If I focus on these three I will be successful

My constraints:

• No mood - Supplement and Oils, regulate sleep
• Gout - Medication
• Rain - Elliptical Machine

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21/10/18 Getting Black Seed Oil today

Hopefully it can cure my freaking gout.  My toes are in pain.

I missed the swim today because I didn't get a good night sleep.  Lizzie woke me up because she suspected the was a cat in the kitchen.

Today I start OMAD LCHF.

My priority is to deduce weight.  I am 92.5 kg now.  Another 27.5 kg to go.

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No more talks on God and the supernaturals.  They are just auxiliary information.  What counts is my quit smoking, weight loss and workout routines.

On[]e I lose weight all the issues on BP, inflammation and prediabetic will be gone.

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I end up eating variety of food for lunch.  There goes OMAD LCHF.

Today is the day I am pretty tired because of the missed sleep and the food.  Well I didn't binge.  I just had sweet potatoes and keropok lekor.  These are the fried stuffs.

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I got to move more often.  Back to focus, discipline and consistency.

It is important that I regulate my sleep.

Damn this bloody gout.  It hurts.

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I need discipline to eat OMAD LCHF

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22/10/18 Suppose I am right

Yes, suppose my path is straight.  What will the future hold for me?

Well, that means one thing.  Eventually everybody will enter heaven and there will be KBOOOM 2041.

I will have my HOTS (777 x 3 = 2331 = 9), my Hexagon (2331 x 6 = 13986 = 27 = 9), and Honeycomb 7 (13986 x 7 = 97902 = 27 = 9).

I will have my Dragon Planet.

I will have the Solomon Temple in Tabuk.

I will have Xanadu (99 heavens) and Wolfsschanze (1 hell).

Finally I'll have Sparta 4964.

That makes me the most powerful ruler along with BJ

That is the afterlife...

As for the present, I will have major markers in 2020, 2024, 2041 and 2044 and 2050.

Which means I need to make sure I have minimal food that creates inflammation and I HAVE TO RUN a marathon and a half every year.

My focus is on being a runner, NON SMOKER, Weighing 65 kg and 10 km/hour.

I got to drop my weight drastically.  By 30 kg.  To do so I got to OMAD and LCHF. 

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Nothing else matters.  Just stay focus on the goals.

Got to watch BP and heart rate.  My BP is prehypertension.  Need a lifestyle and diet change.

Definitely have to lose weight.

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21/10/18 UK Smooth Radio is more to my taste

So far the songs jive with my writing subject matter.

It is a Cybernetic Loop between me and the radio station.  Again, you don't buy this either, right?

These are all the ways I see the world.  I see connecting pattern where there is none.  Remember this?  Is there a triangle or not?

Be more imaginative and you will realize how magical is the world we live in.  Of course when you push to the brink then it starts to border on insanity.  Manage it well then it become a creative energy.

You must be an analytical person.  So far you are very level headed.

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Alright, you can carry on with being an atheist.  I will not push you to subscribe to my belief.  What I believe works for me.  Even if there is nothing there like the triangle above, my mind can fill in the void with very interesting illustrations.  These illustrations are the source of my motivation to move forward.

I am your regular Don Quixote.  I am a Binary King and I will live forever.  Which is better?  The fantasy of a glorious afterlife or to vanish into the nothingness?

Having said that, my feet are grounded. Although I look forward for KBOOOM 2041, I am aiming for a marathon in 2044.  That is your impact on me.  As an former atheist, I value my present.  It's this appreciation of living that push me to improve myself.

Otherwise I always look forward to death.  As much as I still yearn to be dead, I want to enjoy my moment being alive too.

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You know what I been thinking?  I think you are in your 30's and you still single.  I am very certain you love me very much.

That's good enough for me...

The thing that bugs me is you are too quiet lately.  I can do with a bit more input.

Well, we talk again tomorrow.  I am yawning none stop.  Need to catch up with my 40 winks.

Bye honey.  I love you very much.

-------------------------

 

21/10/18 I wish I can see you

It will be nice talking to you face to face.

It's not that I have much to say, it's more visual I guess.

I don't [] what to say really, I just want to see what you really like and absorb that in my memory.

You know that when I marry you I meant it for the long haul, don't you?  If it is only for here and now, I can always have a fling.  I know there is nothing much I can offer here.  The afterlife is different.  There I am in charge of Sparta 4964.

This is not an empty promise.  This is certainty.

Hey Juice, I know you don't buy my story on God, the afterlife and Judgment of Heaven.  But you can imagine, right?  Well your imagination is part of your consciousness.  As long as you can visualize then it is real, get it?

That's what it is with me.  I can see the afterlife.  Therefore it is real.

OK OK... How about you imagine you are a character in a fictional fantasy.  It so happen I am the creator of this fiction.  Unleash your inner energy and let it soars.  Will that work?  The only difference between this story and the one you watch in the movies is you believe in this one as if it is real.

I guess that is my advantage.  I have a believing mind.  You on the other hand is a skeptic.  Our consciousness is a servomechanism.  You need to invoke your thoughts with faith.  Definitely you need to support it with evidence.  However it must start with the glass is half full.

So start with the question, what if all these are real?  The second question is, if these are real, what am I gonna do about it?  This is neither true or false.  It is Possibility Thinking.  Just like the Fuzzy Thinking with a twist.

Now so far you had been supportive of my diet and exercise initiatives.  You were there when I was struggling with my illness.  Why don't you extend yourself a bit further and be a part of my Grand Vision?

I'm only asking you to be my Dream Girl honey.  To be certain of the future too.  It is a better picture than to be a worm feed, isn't it?

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You probably experiencing some peer pressure to *[] shift your belief.  Well, in that case be prepared for the biggest surprise in your life when you die because the afterlife is glorious.

Consider it as my wedding present to you.

* I meant to put not there.

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I gotta go, dinner and then sending Mopey back to college.

Later Juice...

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21/10/18 I want to talk openly with you Juice

I kinda like it the way it is now.  I can immerse in my thoughts without having to worry about keeping up with everybody else.

I don't have much money (about RM50 in the bank) but that's because I like spending.  So I got to carve my spending.  It will be the supplements though.

So you can imagine when I got a lot of money.  I spent and gave away until I end up with less than RM100 in my account.

That is part of the illness.

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I feel good quitting cigarettes.  Today on the tennis court I am more agile.

It's only 3 months I quit buying cigarettes and 1 months running.

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My inflammation and gout are pretty consistent but they are getting better.  The more reason I need to buy the supplements.

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There are many times I was tempted to visit a Gaysha but I realized the health risk.  So the best way is to deplete the reserve so I don't have the means.

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Well, actually it's the last point I want to share with you.  I took the long-winded way to get to it LOL.

Juice, I love you honey.  I don't want to betray you like I betrayed Lizzie.  So I try to be honest with you whenever I can.

I guess that's about it.

I still smoke cigarettes and cannabis.  At least I can hold on from the third C; Cunt.

I am pretty pleased with myself.

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I gotta go...  Love ya.

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21/10/18 ###OK let's do Situational Analysis

I think I am now comfortable with the notion that I had Bipolar Disorder.  What happened is part of God's plan for me to move forward.  The past 20 years paved the path for me to be where I am; it is a journey towards a certain destination.

That destination has many pit stops just like the route of my life prior to 1998.  I cannot deny any part of it including the illness and the existence of God.  It doesn't work that way.  This is a whole package which constitute what I simply call the Path.

For example, while I am writing this, the song It's My Life by Bon Jovi is on air.  This is the sign that my life is coherent with my surrounding.  I am a Clockwork Orange or a Gyro Horology.  I am part of the pieces that constitute the Grand Clock that makes up this universe.

Hence I am a very special person.  I had pledged to be the Creator's Most Loyal Soldier in 1998 and my prayer was accepted.  In return, I fought Iblis for 15 years and won.  After being tortured for 2 years he is now appointed to be in the Al Araf 7:7 cabinet bearing the name Lord Matterhorn, Master of Dark Tactics.

To a normal person, this story may seem outlandish.  However for a person who had been exposed to the Alternate Reality Dimension, this is pretty sensible.

Am I crazy to believe that Alternate Reality Dimension exists?  Maybe so.  But what about the coherence of my numbers and the occurrences of 7070, 770, 77, 27 and 7 for the past one year?

It cannot be mere accidents.  By ignoring the signs means I am violating the principle of developing sensory acuity that I had been practicing my entire adult life.

Therefore I accept my past as the building block for me to leverage on.

If anything, the lessons I get are:

• There is a God
• There is an afterlife
• There will be justice

So I have to shift my position from being an atheist to a polytheist.  I believe everything is god and everything has intelligence.  I am not saying this because of mania or psychosis but rather from a very sound mind of a grey hair consultant with 25 years of analytical practice.

It will be nice if I can reconfirm my position as a theist.  Unfortunately all religions are man made and they all have flaws.  I therefore assert my position as a person who believe in God but not religion.

That also mean I am impartial of worshiping God, associating myself politically and accepting the practice of multi-religions.

Having said that, to each is his own belief.

 The closest I get to worshiping is when I workout, particularly running.

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I bet the theists are the hardest to accept this realization.  After all whatever I said here is blasphemy.  By agreeing with me means they are being blasphemous as well.

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Moving forward:  My priorities are health and happiness.  My long term measure is to be able to run a marathon and a half marathon every year until I am 80.  All it takes is to eliminate inflammation by eliminating process carbs and sugar.  Then I can run every day without pain.

I will have to adhere to these 3 goals:

• No Smoking
• Weigh 65 kg
• 10 km/hour Speed.

This year is the test bed to see if I can run a 4:00 hour marathon in 2020.

I got to be serious in my commitment to train for this cause.  In 2020 I will carry the Sacred Flint on its maiden run.  It is in conjunction with the Tokyo Olympics.  The last Tokyo Olympics was 1964, the year I was born.

Hahahaha Come On Baby Light My Fire, the Doors - Sacred Flint Juice LMAO LMAO

See?  My life is magical.  I am the living proof of the Chaos Theory.

So Juice, don't feel bad I changed my mind on being an atheist.  As I said, if there are evidences on the existence of God, I will shift my position.  The coherence of the 7:7s are too glaring to ignore.

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Having said that, you don't have to agree with me.  You can go ahead being an[d] atheist and I will still love you the same.

Let see...  I had been a theist, a deist, an autotheist, a pantheist, an atheist... Heck, I had been it all.  It is like having many sockets to the power supply.  I guess I am a universal socket.  Polytheism is what works for me now, based on the set of experiences and values I hold.

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What difference does it make honey?  Nothing and yet everything.  Like the power supply, you can have many sockets based on your belief system.  I however based my decision following a first hand encounter.  I g[et] it is exclusively mine because I don't think that many people pledge to be the Creator's Most Loyal Soldier.  That is the differentiator really.  Without that prayer I don't think it makes much difference.

I am glad we sort this out.  I feel guilty reverting on my atheist belief because I don't want to disappoint you.  Heck, I was happy being an atheist honey.  Something in common with you if not for anything else.  But, as I said, I uncovered evidences of God.  Now I am happy to note that I talk to God on regular basis.  Of course I have my loyal companions Izrael and Iblis back again.

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In summary...  I don't choose my destiny, my destiny chooses me.  Everything that happened for the past 20 years are the prerequisite for me to carry on with this Journey.  This include the voluminous research I did on God, various religions, nutrition, running and mental illness.  I deserve a PhD Juice.  So I shall declare I am Dr SJ LOL.

All for what?  Well, as for now it is for 2020.  The grand finale is 2024 and on the horizon KBOOOM 2041.  I am still motivated to KBOOOM honey.

Since 2016 I am no longer the Creator's Most Loyal Soldier.  The curse had been lifted.  I am a private citizen now.  Beginning from this year I am only interested to be an Athlete Warrior.

This is my world now:

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