I will try W5/D1 again today. In the mean time I will continue eating Nicorette. Its not the addiction, its the depression.
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Bought Nicorette, straight away lost the urge to smoke.
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Today I think I smoke dope. Just to break the depression cycle. BJ is only 10 minutes away.
So this is my predominant thoughts before dope:
- There is a God and he talks to me
- I am only interested in being able to run again
- I am already progressing to be a non-smoker
- I must exercise every day
- No more communicating with TraXXfm
Note: Eating just the supplements and oil without food boosts my mood. Is this the case of fluctuating blood sugar?
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Well BJ had something else to do. We skipped the dope.
I did something different. I had a bowl of muesli. It helped clear my brain fog and keep me motivated again.
Perhaps I just need more food?
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BJ called around 5:00 pm and we went for a smoke. Then we exercise. Eyes normal and thoughts normal except he is A and I am SJ; Sharudin Jamal & Allah. This is my thoughts and I can thinks what ever I like with BJ. He didn't deny it.
So in conclusion, my next enemy is SUGAR. All the inflammation, the swelling and the excruciating pain are because of sugar. The side effect is high BP and heartbeat.
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One good advice BJ gave me... Whatever obstacles, I must fight back. What counts it the run.
After listening to what I just said, he told me to focus on the day. Not too far in the future. At most 2020. Focus on becoming a better runner.
That's why I like meeting BJ, he accepts me the way I am.
I can be who I think I am, a guy with a mission. A Binary King of Al Araf 7:7. My battle is against my own limitations; all the pains I have to fight in order to be a true runner.
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