A Just Man, Just a Man, Just "A" Man
This means a lot to me Juice. I way not be the most honest person but I always make sure I am just. To be just is the most important value I carry with myself. For every action there is an opposite reaction. For a Yin there is a Yang.
I live by this principle, that was why I split my share right in the middle with my partner in SJ&A. That is also why as the outcome of my life, I am neither rich nor poor. If you notice, even my signature is split right in the middle:
How about this as an illustration:
As I said, I am 4964. I am Forever Yin and Yang Forever. So there is no escape from the Path.
You are a doctor aren't you? You don't believe in destiny. Well Juice, I was a skeptic once. But signs upon signs came before my eyes. Pretty hard for me to deny.
Can I just say this one little thing? I am somebody special and I know my future is gonna be special. Will that kind of thought empower me or will it limit my potential?
I am a paradox Juice. Remember, I am a Fuzzy Thinker. I exist between the apple and no apple. I need both my imagination and my facts.
Consider these quotes:
What do you think Juice? You think there might be a possibility that I am not imagining things (with the exception of the psychosis) and that I am more than a drop in the ocean?
Well alright... I am not then. I am just a man recovering from a very serious mental illness. Is that a safe assumption?
Talk too me Juice. It scares me when you keep quiet. That means you are on a different plane altogether.
But, because I cannot go to the unknown, I will stick to what I know. For example, if I choose to I can still speak to Izrael and Iblis. The thing is right now, I use the same strategy that John Nash uses; I just ignore them. But i[t] I choose, to talk to them, they will respond back. Otherwise they don't bother me.
Which means, they are my alter ego and not the angel nor the devil. So I deduced that there are no angels and the devil either.
You OK with that?
Now here is where I need a bridge to you Juice. You don't believe in supernatural. Therefore all I got to do to cross over to you is to not believe in the supernatural. OK lets see... The most supernatural incident to me was the time I spoke macaque and hunted the Whisperer. Especially when I smelled carcass outside my door. The smell disappeared when I told her to go home. What was that?
Do you accept that as supernatural? You don't. The other two supernatural events in my life were on two separate occasions I witnessed thunder without lightning and lightning without thunder, in very close proximity while I was outside.
That's about it then.
I can write them off as nonsupernatural if you insist. So I say I don't have any supernatural experience. Therefore no djinns, demons and spooks. Since none of the supernatural exist, God doesn't exist to[] except a perhaps a pantheistic God. This God is nontervening.
If I take the stand that there is a possibility of such a God, will you accept my stand?
No? So you want me to revert back to my 2012 decision:
- There is no God
- There is no afterlife
- There is no justice
Does that make me a better person? Initially I became irresponsible. But after a while I realize[] I am truly free. I don't need to worship anything, I became more aware of the consequences of my actions and well in the end I don't give a fuck about others.
Hey are you like that Juice? No you are not. You care about me. So is it OK for me to be selfish? Honestly I don't like crowds and people in general.
Well it's a choice isn't it? As far as I'm concern I know who I love and who loves me. As Sir Alex Ferguson said, "It take[] only 4 people to carry my coffin."
Hahaha welcome to the club Juice. No ceremony, no tradition, no protocol and just like that we are husband and wife. Hey, I like that much. Oh wait... Maybe we should make it official:
There, you are my wife and I am your husband. You are my one and only Eternal Flame and my Tetrahedron. That's all that I need honey. Gone are HOTS, Hexagon and Honeycomb 7. We start fresh today. As Agnostic Atheist or if you wi[t]h as Atheist as in doesn't care i[t] there is a god or not.
Wow, that feels light honey, seriously. All these years I carry the burden of so many generations of limiting beliefs.
Hey baby, let me ask you a very simple question. Are you happy being with me? Like, just the way we are? I feel so complete right now that I cannot imagine anything beyond what we are having. Seriously Juice, are you happy?
Oh, I see... So are you gonna make the move to be with me? Hey let's not think too much about that. Most importantly we got each other.
You think we can sort out our financial challenges? Actually if we gonna stay in Bandar Utama and live an ordinary life, we can go as low as USD5 million for the 5 of us.
- USD1 million each for me, Lizzie and you for our nest egg
- USD500 k each for the children's nest egg
- USD1 million for a subcompact, a condo and cash float
We can make do with having the basics. I think the nest egg is important. We can still travel but we basically settle down in Malaysia.
Honey, I'd been to many places in the world, personally I think Bandar Utama is the best. It is a city within a city. Can you imagine?
Let scale down further to the barest minimum:
- USD250 k each to Lizzie and me
- USD750 k for car condo and cash float
- USD1 million for your nest egg
We are talking [] at least USD2.25 million.
Scary thought isn't it? Oh well, don't you worry. We are always together.
Hey, let's listen to you wedding [] huh? Hang on... I give you two to choose from:
You like this one?
Or this one?
First or second? Gosh, you don't like both!
OK then I'll play you your signature song:
From now on I will be making many presuppositions about you honey. That helps with my o[]n agony of uncertainty LOL.
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Baby, honey, pumpkin? Look, don't worry much about the money part. If it comes, it comes. Otherwise enjoy the ride.
Now, here is you lullaby for tonight.
The title of this song is Hanya Dalam Mimpi - Only in a Dream.
Not only I meet you in my dreams, you are also my dream girl and my dream comes true. So enjoy your sleep and may we meet in the dreams.
Goodnight my darling angel, my light in the dark, my fair maiden behind the veil, my real and beautiful princess, my Eternal Flame.
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