I had really lost the desire to write. I can still write but my writing is very ordinary indeed. There is no compulsion to write about the Alternate Reality Dimension. I am becoming ordinary without cigarettes.
I think I hang on to the Nicorette a little much longer. What is there to write? They are the same thing over and over again. What I'll do is to write the same thing in a different way until I have a new inspiration.
Until then, the topic lingers around the same stuff. I even ran out of songs to spin. I am becoming boring. This is actually a hidden motive. When I am bored, I will find the excuse to smoke. So I will ride this wave to the end.
What else to do? It will be nice if I can have a conversation instead of a monologue. This is when a cigarette comes handy. No, no, no, I will not smoke. I am doing fine the past 3 weeks.
I wanted this kind of solitude life. I didn't expect the boredom and depression to last for THREE WEEKS!
Well I should expect it to last for 3 months. DO NOT SMOKE no matter what.
I better start reading. Damn, I don't feel like reading.
Anwar was 10 years in prison and he survived just by reading.
This is where mental toughness counts. This boredom and depression are only temporary. If I want to survive the life of solitude, then I better be resilient mentally.
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